Moving In Together: Test The Waters First
Many couples think that just because they're relationship is working out that moving in together is the next logical step. However, some couples find that moving in together is something that should be done only after careful consideration. Who is right? Actually, they both are in their own way. The truth is, the only way to know if moving in together makes sense is to go for a trial run.
Moving In Together: Time Together
Many people underestimate just how much time you start spending together once you and your loved one start living together (either married or cohabitation). Although you may get along on dates and weekend trips, moving in together is a completely different animal. Many couples that find themselves getting along wonderfully are often shocked to find themselves bickering over trivial issues as soon as they share a room.
On the other hand, certain couples find that living together makes their relationship closer and stronger then ever before. By living together you ultimately share smaller details of your lives, which can help you get closer to your partner.
Fortunately, you don't need to actually move in together to see how things play out. These tests can give you an idea of what moving in together will be like without actually having to do it.
Moving In Together Test: 2-Week Sleepovers
One of the best ways to see how extended time together will influence how you two get along is by going for an extended sleepover. Many people think that just because they get along during weekend stay-overs that they will also find themselves hugging and kissing when living together. Although this is certainly possible, it's also likely that all that extra time spent together will result in more fighting.
Fortunately, most of the friction that does occur after moving in together happens over the first 2-weeks. Here's how to arrange this moving in together trial run:
- Figure out which person's house the test is going to happen at. Ideally, this will be the place that you will move into once you decide to move in together.
- Have the person bring more than they need for the 2-weeks (for example, a coffee maker and a small piece of furniture). This will simulate the changes in the physical space while living together.
- The person should spend all of their time at their "new house" as if they were living there. They can only go to their old house if they forgot something important. If the person goes to their old house and hangs out it takes away from the exercise.
- The two of you should pretend that this move is permanent for the duration of the 2-weeks (or longer if you prefer).
- At the end of the 2-weeks, sit down and discuss how things went. If there were issues, note quick and easy ways to resolve them (if any).
Moving In Together Test: Long Vacation
If it's not possible for you and your partner to move in together (perhaps you have a long distance relationship or a roommate who won't allow the trial run), then an extended vacation is the next best thing. While on vacation you two will probably spend morning, noon and night hanging out together. There will ultimately be a number of decisions to make while on the road that can be a potential source of conflict. If you find that you're fighting more often than usual, it's a potential red flag.
It's also important to note that a vacation is generally a lower stress environment than living at home. Not only are you in a fun place, there are less responsibilities than you'll find after moving in together (such as doing dishes and cleaning the floors).
Moving In Together Test: Apartment Hunt Role Play
A wise relationship expert once said that interests initially bring people together but VALUES is what keeps them together over the long-term. And there's no better way to establish values then to look for an apartment or house with your significant other. In fact, because this is something that every couple has to do before moving in together anyway, many find this test to be very instructive about what's to come in the future.
This "moving in together test" is very simple. All you do is dedicate a day or two to look for an apartment or house together (please keep in mind that if you are buying a house then this test gets a lot more complicated as there are issues of mortgages, school systems, etc.). Feel free to grab a classifieds section of the newspaper or hop onto Craigslist.com to see local listings of available rooms.
Once you've nailed down a few candidates go to see the places with your partner. See what differences and similarities you two have in terms of home values (one may prefer a large space while the other person just wants to be close to the subway). Also, pretend that you need to actually meet the financial requirements of the place. Who is going to get the money so you two can move in together? These questions are best asked during a test than after you've decided that moving in together is the best idea in the world.
Moving In Together: Final Thoughts
Moving in together doesn't have to be a mysterious process where you have no idea whats going to actually happen. These tests can be very helpful in giving you insights about the current state of your partner and the relationship as a whole. Once you've done a few of these tests figuring out whether moving in together is right for you will be significantly easier.